


wish you were gay

by larryslimelight



Category: RoadTrip (Band)
Genre: Brook does some meddling, M/M, Rye pines for Sonny, Sonny pines for Rye, and the other boys aren’t really included, and well, but Rye doesn’t know that, neither does Sonny, sorry lads - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 18:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21432796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryslimelight/pseuds/larryslimelight
Summary: 'But it wasn't like it was the first time this had happened, oh no, this had to be the fourth time that I had found myself wanting to be with Sonny, romantically.'Or, Sonny starts his trial for the band, causing Rye to begin to question his sexuality.
Relationships: Sonny Robertson/Rye Beaumont
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	wish you were gay

☆

wish you were gay - billie eilish 

🐝  
We'd just gotten back to the house. It was three am and we had been at a party since eight. And to say the least, I was pissed off. Not with anyone else but with myself. You see, multiple girls at the party had been, let's say interested, in Sonny, which honestly made me feel jealous. But I wasn't jealous of Sonny, but instead the girls he was dancing, grinding and flirting with. I found myself wishing that he was doing that with me instead, which in turn made me feel mad at myself for having these feelings.

But it wasn't like it was the first time this had happened, oh no, this had to be the fourth time that I had found myself wanting to be with Sonny, romantically.

☆

The first time was the very first day that he arrived at the house. I had grossly underestimated how attractive he was, having only seen pictures of him on social media. I found myself staring at him more often than not and luckily he never caught me, or at least I don't think he did. That was the first time in my whole life that I had questioned my sexuality as being anything other than straight as a pencil.

☆

The second time happened to be that same night. I had made my way downstairs to make a cup of tea because I couldn't sleep, and found Sonny sat on the kitchen countertop, sipping from a steaming mug. He looked up at me as I walked in, smiling and placing his mug down. "Hey, Rye. Why are you up this early, or late I guess?"  
He hopped down off of the counter and walked over to the kettle, flicking it on again.

"I could ask you the same thing." I started, smiling in gratefulness as he took another mug out if the cupboard, placing it down next to the kettle and popping a teabag in it before turning back to face me.

"Just hard getting used to the new setting I think. Plus I fancied a cuppa," he replied, giggling slightly and God, could he be any cuter? I laughed alongside him, stepping forwards as I was still stood in the doorway. "So what about you then?"

"What about me?"

"What are you doing up?" the kettle finished boiling so he poured the hot water into my mug before hopping back up onto the counter where he was before and letting the tea stew for a bit. He patted the space next to him so I got up onto the counter as well, subconsciously shifting closer to him.

"Couldn't sleep. I started thinking about things, which then led me to overthink about things." I briefly explained. He jumped off of the counter again, gesturing for me to stay put as he finished making my tea, handing it to me and sitting next to me again before picking up his mug and taking a sip.

"What type of thing? If you don't mind me asking..." he wrapped the arm closest to me around my shoulders comfortingly. I leaned into him a bit and shrugged.

"Personal things, I guess. I don't want to bombard you with my problems, you've only known me less than a day." He put his tea down and faced me.

"I know, but what better way to get to know each other than to talk about these kinds of things, ay? That's what friends are for." He nudged me with his shoulder, smiling. Friends, why did that sting so much?

"No, really, it's fine, I'm sure it'll go away."

"Rye, my sisters always told me that I'm a good listener. And if it's bothering you enough to keep you up at night, I want to help you, if I can."

Now, how exactly do you tell the person that you possibly have a small crush on that he's the reason you were up all night because you were thinking about him?

You simply don't, or can't, should I say.

"Okay, I'll tell you just, please don't judge me for it."

"Never."

"So, I met this person quite recently," good Rye - person, keep it vague. "and I don't know they just make me feel different, a good different though, don't get me wrong. But I feel like I shouldn't feel this happy with them because I've only known them for a short amount of time. 

And I can't stop thinking about what my family, the boys, Blair, and especially the fans would say. I don't want any of them to judge me, and I'd hope that they'd all be supportive, but you never know."

I leant further into Sonny, resting my head on his shoulder as he took in my little rant.

"Okay, first of all, the boys, Blair, your family and the fans would never judge you for loving someone, they'd support you no matter what. Yes, you may get the odd hate comment from a 'fan', but we all do, so it wouldn't make much of a difference. And second of all, I get the feeling that this crush of yours isn't on a girl?"

I jumped back, startled and looked at him wide-eyed. "Hey, it's okay. Come 'ere." he pulled me into a hug which I gratefully accepted.

"How-how'd you know?"

"Because you probably wouldn't be anywhere near as worried about what everyone else thought if it was a girl." He stated simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"So, who is this mysterious lucky person, after all?" If only you knew.

"I'm sure you'll find out at some point, hopefully." not (but I didn't say that bit).

"Ooh, do we get to meet them then?" Oh, Sonny.

"That depends on whether or not he feels the same. I doubt it."

"Don't say that, Rye. I'm sure he does, I don't see why he wouldn't. And if he doesn't, then he's missing out on something amazing." He winked, he bloody winked at me. I'm glad it was dim in the kitchen or else he would have seen me blush.

After that we kind of just stopped talking about it, instead, we started talking about other random things as we cuddled in the kitchen, sat on the counter still, drinking our teas. I don't remember walking back up to my room but I woke up in my bed the next morning.

☆

The third occasion was around two weeks later when we were all in my room, watching the Roadies reaction videos to our latest covers. They were the first that the Roadies knew of Sonny, of him even being in the house, so there were some mixed reactions, but most of them were positive.

Once it reached around 11:30, the boys started to leave my room one by one, until it was just me and Sonny left. He made a move to get up and leave too, saying that he 'should probably get some sleep.' When I asked him if he could stay, he looked at me confusedly, which I had expected, so I explained.

"Please, I really want someone to cuddle tonight, other than my teddy bears." I pouted, hoping that would get him to agree. I could see a small smile growing on his gorgeous lips.

"Yeah okay. Everything alright?" I just nodded before turning the TV off and standing up too. I grabbed his hand and started gently pulling him towards the stairs that led up to my bed. "Hold on a sec babe, let me go put on something comfier. I don't want to sleep in jeans."

I tried and failed to stop my heart from fluttering when he called me 'babe', knowing that it was just a part of his dialect. I nodded and let go of his hand slowly, looking up at him and smiling. He smiled back and kissed my head lightly before the left my room.

I decided that while he was gone, I would change into something more comfortable too. Not that I would have minded him watching me get changed. And if I dragged out the process longer than necessary until I could hear his footsteps from down the hallway, no one had to know.

Having already removed my shirt, I undid my belt, button and zipper, bending over as I pulled them down my legs slowly. I heard Sonny's sharp intake of breath before he spoke.

"Sorry Rye, didn't mean to walk in on you." He sounded slightly breathless but it was probably just my imagination. I smiled to myself.

" 's alright," I stated, my voice coming out quieter than I had expected it to. I continued changing, taking my socks off too before grabbing and pair of loose joggers and finally turning around to face Sonny.

He was biting his lip and staring at where my ass would have been if I hadn't have turned around, which was now just my crotch.

"Sonny?" I smirked. He just hummed before realising I'd caught him staring, looking up to meet my eyes as his face flushed a deep red, matching mine as I took in the fact that he too was shirtless, his joggers laying low on his hips. I looked back up to his beautiful green eyes, noticing that he was now wearing the same look that I'd given him a moment prior. I blushed, "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything darlin'. Now, c'mon, bed." I swear to God, he's going to kill me with his adorable pet names. He grabbed my hand as I had done earlier, and led me to my bed. How endeared I was to this boy, honestly. He laid down first and I followed, lying down and placing my head on his chest, our legs automatically tangling with each other as his arms wrapped securely around me, one in my hair and one around my waist.

"Damn it." I rolled my eyes. He looked down at me with a fond smile, or what I hoped to be fond anyway. "I forgot to turn the lights off," I mumbled into his bare chest. He smelled great, by the way.

"I'll get them -"

"Don't you dare." I stopped him before he could sit up. He let out a surprised laugh. "We're already comfy and I don't want you to leave. I'll just text someone." Okay, so maybe I was being a tad bit clingy, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Like who exactly?" I could hear the smirk in his tone without having to look at him, too caught up in the feeling of him running his hand through my hair. I leant over to grab my phone, unlocking it and texting the only person that would.

"Brooklyn."

"Perfect." He giggled and god he was adorable. I sent the message and soon got a reply. 

Seriously mate? You can't just get out of bed and do it yourself? 

Nah mate, I'm already curled up and comfy.

And what makes you think that I'm not?

Because you're either texting or facetiming Harper.

Can't you ask Sonny? I'm sure he'd be more than happy to help you with anything? ;)

I looked up at Sonny who was reading the messages as they went. He just smiled at me and shrugged. "Well, he's not wrong." He laughed and kissed my hair as I turned back to my phone, smiling.

I don't want to wake him up, please Brook? Because you love me?

Oh, so you have no problem waking me up?

You weren't asleep in the first place!  
Please Brooky x

Fiiine. I'll be there in a minute x

"He's coming, " I turned my phone off again, placing it back where it was and turning to look at Sonny. "Hide."

"Why and where?" I grabbed the covers at the bottom of my bed and pulled them up over both of us.

"Under the duvet and because you're supposed to be in your room." He nodded and got fully under the duvet just as Brook ran into my room.

I leaned over the edge of the mattress, keeping the duvet wrapped around me but also still covering Sonny. "Hey Brook cheers mate," I said as he flipped the light switch, leaving only the glow from the hallway illuminating the room.

"You are lazy Rye." He rolled his eyes but still kept a smile.

"Tell Harper I said hi." I felt a hand resting on my leg, tapping gently. I realised that it was probably quite hot and stuffy under the cover.

"How'd you even know I was talking to Harper?" Brook retorted, leaning against the doorframe. I internally rolled my eyes, wishing he would go back to bed so that Sonny could come back up for air. I could feel his hands begin to trail up and down my thighs before his lips followed his fingers, kissing my thigh, whether he was doing it to speed me up or as a way to occupy himself, I don't know, but it had the opposite effect.

"Brook, it's-it's obvious you like him. Just -ah!- ask him o-out." I started stammering as the kisses got higher, over my hip and up my side slowly, sucking lightly now and again. 

I slid my hand under the duvet slowly, trying to avoid Brooks attention on the action, and threading my fingers through Sonny's curls, pulling roughly as a way to tell him to stop. He didn't, instead, I heard a muffled whine come from him. He continued what he was doing before, seemingly more eager now.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Goodnight Rye, you're tired." He replied, making a move into the hallway, resting his hand on the doorknob.

"Night B-Brook."

"Oh, and tell Sonny I said goodnight too." He smirked before closing the door. My mouth dropped open and I flung the covers off of the both of us, Sonny looking up at me with the same shocked expression.

"How the hell did he know I was here?" Sonny exclaimed as he pulled himself back up the bed. I looked at him flabbergasted. 

"Oh I don't know, maybe because someone decided to start giving my hickeys while he was still here." I couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of the situation. "And the fact that you apparently really like it when I do this." I guided my fingers through his locks again, pulling harder this time. Sonny moaned again, his eyes closing in bliss, before grinning at me, leaning over me and whispering in my ear.

"Well, he's not here anymore, is he?" He kissed behind my ear, working his way down my neck.

"That's not the point." I fought weakly. He pulled away from my neck, looking at me.

"You said 'while he was still here', he's not here anymore, is he baby?" I shook my head. "Words, love."

I wasn't going to lie, I loved this, so so much. And I had no reason to deny him. But if I was going to do anything with him, I wanted there to be feelings involved, not just doing something because we were horny.

"No, he's not." I looked down only to be met with a finger under my chin, pulling my gaze back up to meet my favourite pair of eyes.

"We can just cuddle if you want baby, I'm not going to pressure you." He was so gentle, and I appreciated that so much. I bit my lip thinking, only for his thumb to run across my bottom lip, gently pulling it out from the grip my teeth had on it. I nodded small, not wanting to disappoint him. "It's okay baby, c' mere."

He laid on his side and I copied him, facing towards him. I shuffled closer so I could rest my head on his chest slightly, his arms coming to wrap around me again like they had done prior, our legs tangling together again. He held my head to his chest, kissing my forehead and whispering "sleep now, darlin'."

☆

So like I had said, this was now the fourth time that I had wanted to be romantically linked to Sonny. It had been two months since that night. We hadn't talked about it, but Sonny has been more cuddly with me since then, more protective almost. The boys have noticed, and Brook probably told everyone the next day anyway, because if there was a chance when the boys, including Robbie, Alex and Connor, could leave me and Sonny alone together, you could bet that they would.

I don't think there has been a single night in the time that Sonny's been on trial that I have slept alone. I've been with Sonny every night, whether it be his room or mine. But tonight, I will probably sleep alone. I had ignored him since the car ride and wasn't planning on lifting that, no matter how petty it was.

We were all still in the kitchen/living room area, listening to music and winding down, some of us soberer than others. Andy and I were sat next to each other on the sofa, talking about something stupid Andy had seen on Instagram earlier, when I felt the sofa dip behind me and an arm wrap loosely around my waist. Sonny's chin rested on my shoulder.

"Babyy, why you ingonring me?" He slurred slightly, mixing up his letters. So he had noticed then. I rolled my eyes and moved out of his grip. He whined as I stood up, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water, walking back over to him and sitting down between him and Andy, who was now animatedly describing what he saw on Instagram to Brook. Sonny instantly wrapped himself around me. I took his hand and placed it around the glass, bringing up to his mouth and making him take a sip.

"We'll talk when you're sober, okay? Just drink your water for now." He did as I was instructed, finishing his glass and placing it on the nearest table to him. He leaned back and curled into me again.

"Talk now?" He pouted when I shook my head.

"No, bed now." I helped him to stand up and addressed everyone in the room. "Okay, I'm taking Sonny to bed, goodnight guys."

With some degree of struggle, we made it up the stairs to Sonny's room. I lied him down on the bed, taking off his clothes and pulling the duvet up. I kissed his forehead and went to leave but he grabbed my wrist.

"Stay, please Rye. I'm sorry for whatever I've done to make you ignore me and we can talk about it tomorrow, but please stay. I don't think I'll be able to sleep without you cuddling me anymore."

I battled with myself for a minute, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep without him either, my pride was telling me to stand my ground. But my pride lost, I had a crush on Sonny whether I liked it or not, I could never say no to him.

I took off my sweatshirt and allowed him to pull me into his bed with him.

"Don't you want joggers to sleep in?" He whispered as I snuggled into him. I shook my head.

"I don't care, one night won't do any harm. Now sleep." I curled into him, his hands instantly wrapping around me, in my hair and around my waist, the same way we have slept next to each other for the couple months.

☆

We were rudely awoken by a Brooklyn Wyatt running into Sonny's bedroom, obviously never teaching himself to knock before entering a room. He shouted random gibberish, way too full of energy instead of him having a hangover like I would have expected.

I groaned, turning away from him and facing the wall instead, Sonny pulling his arms around my waist tighter, bringing me into his chest. I grinned to myself, relaxing back into him and linking one of my hands with his.

"Go away, Brook. I wanna cuddle Rye." Sonny mumbled into the back of my neck, leaving light kisses afterwards. Brook made a gagging noise like he was throwing up.

"My God, you guys are just too cute. I'll leave you alone. We're all staying home today cause we're all hungover as fuck." He slammed the door as he left, probably to go and pester one of the other boys. I turned back around to face Sonny, propping my head up with the hand.

"He came in screaming, then said he was hungover." I rolled my eyes. I didn't feel too bad, not having had drunk much the previous night, too focused on what Sonny was doing. Speaking of Sonny, he probably felt as if he had been hit by a train with the 'hangover headache.'

My curly-haired reaching his hand up, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. I closed my eyes, loving the soft attention.

"Rye?" I hummed in reply, not wanting to open my eyes. "Can we talk now?"

I opened my eyes and took a deep breath, my impending confession looming. "Okay. You start."

Sonny smiled gently, sitting up. I copied him, setting myself closely next to him. "Okay well, I just want to start by saying that I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did to upset you last night. I don't know what it is but-"

"No no no don't worry. It wasn't your fault, mostly mine, to be honest." I interrupted him, grabbing his hand that was in his lap. He looked up at me and I realised how sad he looked with himself. I stroked his hand with my thumb. "Hey, it's not your fault okay? I was just- just-"

"What is it Rye?" he didn't say it harshly, just curious and searching for reassurance. I looked away, breaking our eyes contact and trying to calm myself down. 

C'mon Rye. Man up, just say it once and get it over with. 

No, don't say it, he'll hate you. 

Rye he likes you just as much as you do, just say it!

DON'T SAY IT!

"Rye babe, you okay?" I blinked and looked at him, nodding slowly as I gathered my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just gonna come right out and say what I wanna say."

"Okay go ahead."

"What I was saying is that I was jealous. I was jealous of all the girls at that party that we dancing and flirting with you. I found myself wanting to be in their shoes, wanting you to be dancing and flirting with me. Over the past few months since you've been here we've gotten closer, obviously," I gestured between us and he laughed, nodding. 

"but I also found myself gaining feelings for you, in a totally non-bandmate way. I know you're not gay and that's fine, but sometimes I really wish you were. I just wanted to get it off my chest and tell you."

I lifted my head from where it was hanging between my shoulders and risked a glance at the boy sat next to me. He looked confused, which was a given, but he didn't seem mad. So that was a good thing, I guess?

"Sonny? Please say something. Even if it's to tell me to leave, just say something." I started panicking, the anxiety I've held back over the past few months. My fear of rejection slowly creeping from the back of my mind to the forefront. Right there, easily accessed. 

Then he started smiling.

A smile that began slowly: curving his lips, just subtly enough to have an angle; then it got deeper, forming adorable dimples in his cheeks; and finally it reached his shining green eyes, leaving laugh lines and crinkles on his skin.

He reached a hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him, still not replying. His eyes darted from my lips to my own eyes, a silent question. I nodded my head ever so slightly, unsure whether or not I was still dreaming. And if I was, then might as well make the most of it.

I let my eyes slip closed, leaning in further towards him to close the unneeded gap between our lips. He kissed me back almost immediately, relieving the anxiety I had built up in my head. My hands came up to run through his hair, tugging gently on his thick curls. He groaned into my mouth slowly, making me smirk into the kiss after getting the exact reaction I was waiting for. He eased my mouth open gently, sliding his tongue between my lips and past my teeth, dancing our tongues together until I let him ultimately win.

Using the leverage I had of my hands in his hair, I pulled him over me as I laid back on his bed. Regretfully, we had to break away from each other to breathe, but I would have gladly given up oxygen to have his lips on mine again. Neither of us opened our eyes, just holding each other and sharing the same breath between us.

I felt as he kissed my cheek before I opened my eyes, blinking wearily as if I was waking up all over again. I looked up at Sonny, a gentle smile reflecting in his eyes as he met my gaze.

"I love you too, baby." He smiled, placing his lips on mine again.


End file.
